homleschapel:

summer is real cute until every fuckin type of insect comes out of the 8th circle of hell

wurnbo:

did i allow u to have fun without me

caraknightley:

i want to punch jesse eisenberg in the face 

tempoes:

everyone says “just get out and leave everything behind in the event of a house fire” like no fuck that shit im grabbing every electronic i can hold

actionfighter:

no phone don’t autocorrect my i’s to capitals i need to look cool & casual for the internet

chickenheadspecial:

“paint your pinky nail blue to end bullying!”

“draw a semicolon on your wrist to end teenage suicide!”

“paint a hot dog riding a skateboard on your forehead to end the destruction of the south american rainforest!”

graffeti:

my grandma is angry at my grandpa because when they went to the doctor’s the lady asked what he was allergic to and he said his wife

wartortles:

*holding phone in hand* where the fuck is my phone

drunktrophywife:

Amanda Bynes wasn’t allowed on a flight because she didn’t have proper id because the id she tried to use was “im Amanda Bynes google me”